Christmas Massage (!) 2008

By enormous popular demand after last year's Christmas Massage (full body!) from your very own ME! If you missed last year see it here www.yootyoob.com .

2008

All the stuff below was going nicely until I started more web writing projects all over the place, and Facebook and putting stuff on YouTube. One of these web projects was www.yootyoob.com inspired by HM The Queen getting in on the act on Christmas Day 2007. See some videos there.

2006

What's Hiran been up to since Nov last year? Watch this space. Scenes Of A Sexual Nature coming out soon. See here and below (Aug 2005). Read about my new 'modelling assignment' with a big international travel group. And more. Check back again in about a week for all the gossip ...

30 June 05 19:35 | Send Comment

Applejack

Oh no! Another childhood hero gone to that great gig in the sky. My favourite track around 1964. Jet and Tony (Harris and Meehan).

29 November 05 16:30 | Send Comment

Alexander The Great (Big Bully)

From the recent Hollywood movie Alexander I now know that this Greek chap was one of history's great big bullies. Just what is the point of spending 7 years going east with his rowdies picking fights with people who were just minding their own business? Seems they got as far as India, only to be beaten back by vindaloo. And another thing - he kept refering to the Middle C. How come he had time for the bloody piano?

20 November 05 23:12 | Send Comment

Matt Sings Monro

Here's Matt Monro Jnr and me comparing tans. I'm wearing the L'Oreal 'Rusty Coconut for Men' while Matt's sporting the new Vidal Sassoon 'Delicious Lobster'.

As a tribute to his late dad and my great hero Matt Monro, Matt Jnr is doing a UK tour with ten piece band and MM's original Musical Director Colin Keyes. Go here for details www.mattmonro.com . Matt does a lovely job interpreting the old songs in his own way and not trying to sound like his dad. Refreshing.

Anyway, here are some of my own efforts from one rushed weekend in 2003. Any good?
Softly As I Leave You
Portrait Of My Love
Around The World (Coming soon ...)
My Kind Of Girl
On A Clear Day

05 November 05 11:02 | Send Comment

TxtFo Launch at the Roxy Bar

Ever queued at the bar for drinks in the interval in a West End theatre? Recently I was at the launch party of TxtFo, Amir Ahmad's latest venture. To demonstrate the service you could order your drinks from your table from your mobile phone. Now, how cool is that?

As a tribute to Amir and TxtFo Ramjam Presley recorded this song. MP3 Lyrics

03 September 05 23:20 | Send Comment

Scenes of a Sexual Nature

I've spent the past few days behind the bushes in Hampstead Heath in North London with a bunch of dodgy men and Ewan McGregor. My bum hurts and my left wrist isn't doing too good either. This is from sitting on my left buttock on the grass and resting on my left arm for a bloody long time!

You'll see me in a movie called 'Scenes of a Sexual Nature' with Ewan McGregor, Douglas Hodge, Adrian Lester, Catherine Tate and more. The scene I'm in is where McGregor and Hodge's gay characters hang out in the area of Hampstead Heath where gay goings-on go on. I'm one of the sexy boyz. I would ask Ewan for Scarlett Johansson's phone number but that would involve breaking out of character for both of us :(

Shooting on location cast and crew tend to run short of fags (cigarettes) by mid day. You can never run out of fags in Hampstead Heath though. (As they say in Cricket, if you can't get the runs in India where can you?).

Scenes of a Sexual Nature is brilliantly written by Aschlin Ditta, who also writes and appears in The Catherine Tate Show BBC2, and directed by Ed Blum. Look out for it sometime later in the year.

Ewan, Hodge and some of the men in this scene are also now appearing in Guys and Dolls at the Piccadilly Theatre right now, while Ewan stars with Scarlett Johansson in The Island which opened in London this week. Go see.

14 August 05 21:56 | Send Comment

Charlotte performing with the RCS at Kenwood House

Charlotte writes about the Classic FM concert at Kenwood House, Hampstead Heath, on Saturday in her blog here. Coincidentally a stones throw away from the bushes where girls are not allowed.

14 August 05 20:15 | Send Comment

Ever Lost Anything Irreplaceable?

If you haven't already, though I hope you won't the chances are that some day you will lose something you cannot replace. Before that happens check out this ingenious idea from my friend Chris Cameron called Want It Bak. His web site explains how it works .

20 May 05 22:15 | Send Comment

Young Entrepreneurs

When I was a student the best deal on records came from a fellow student called Richard Branson. He had a shop inside a shoe shop in Oxford Street. Later I got my first significant break in my career with another young entrepreneur called Richard Desmond. Both these guys are nudging £billions each in net worth today.

So, tomorrow look out for these people: Lesley Katavich (Interior Design & Build. An industry I was in briefly once) www.katavich.com , Andy Fairweather (not this one who was at the Royal Albert Hall with Eric Clapton but) this one - Aspect Wear , and Amir Ahmad of txtfo . They are at the same age Branson and Desmond were back then.

20 May 05 22:11 | Send Comment

Elvis The Concert - Hammersmith, London

When my friend George in LA told me that in additon to seeing Elvis in concert 35 times when he was alive he has seen him 3 times since (!) I thought it's stretching things a bit. He was referring to the show where the original team recreated the Vegas show a few years ago - with Elvis doing his part on video. Last Thursday we saw the 2005 production of Elvis The Concert which is on a UK tour.

It really really works!and here's how. When you go to a big concert what proportion of the time are you watching the big screens, instead of the lead performer? In this show, after a few minutes you become so engaged - it's that believable - you stop noticing that the main man is not actually physically on stage. But of course most of the others are - it's really spooky when Elvis introduces the band and James Burton et al take their bows, the Sweet Inspirations, the Stamps and when the Stamps do their solo Sweet Sweet Spirit and Elvis introduces it and gets emotional listening to it. Also brilliant is when the live stage cameras and the footage from 35 years ago show Burton and his colleagues side by side with their younger selves playing the same riffs live on the big screens. Can you imagine (?) these guys and gals are all probably in their 60s and matching any Robbie Williams concert for energy and quality. Notable absentee from this part of the 2005 is Ronnie Tutt (drummer) who sent his friend. Check back for photos here.

08 May 05 22:08 | Send Comment

More Elvis Sightings - Stockholm, Sweden

Yup. My sister-in-law Kerstin was 50 last Saturday and I got to do the surprise Presley thing at her party in Stockholm as she is a big Elvis fan. Photos here

08 May 05 22:08 | Send Comment

Guinness Book of Records - Elvii

I did the marathon on Sunday. No, not the London Marathon but the Elvis one at Selfridge's for a new World Record for the most number of Elvii performing at the same time! There were nearly a 100 of us doing it on the escalator.

After that, 100 Elvii given lunch in the Selfridge's staff restaurant. That's the first time I've been there since my first job at Selfridge's in the 70s. I didn't win the contest but the guy who should have won is my friend Anthony Shore. Judges, are you listening? More details and video of Anthony later. It was a bit like American Idol meets Madame Tussauds!

Click here to hear Anthony Shore - Sweet Angeline . Always On My Mind.

18 April 05 21:15 | Send Comment

Apprentice'd

Lindsay Bogaard from the BBC 2 reality series The Apprentice also belongs to a networking club I hang out in (hmmm ... Groucho Marx?). Get her to speak at your function - she gives a really entertaining talk on her experience in The Apprentice. Then join the Bring Lindsay Back Campaign I'm about to launch.

Also very funny (and a great mover if you saw the episode in which got fired!) is Rachel Groves. Rachel turned up unexpectedly last night. She says 'party invites welcome' (and me). My God, these girls drink a lot of wine.

Sir Alan Sugar: 'Mohammed? You're Al fired!"

07 April 05 00:55 | Send Comment

Seeing Is Believing?

Go here and check this out. In this video clip you'll see and hear a man repeat 'da da'. Now shut your eyes and listen again carefully - you'll hear 'ba ba'. I tried that several times and no way can I persuade myself that I'm hearing the same words! Apparently it's called the McGurk Effect. Try it and let me know what you think.

Also on this guy's site is this recording of Duke Ellington Mood Indigo from 1932. This could be the oldest known stereo recording 'by accident' - the session had been recorded with two recording machines.

27 March 05 23:41 | Send Comment

Royal Albert Hall - Classical Spectacular

For the German lady at the Albert Hall this evening go here if you want to see me with my German friends at the Hilton (video)! See my Elvis here (video) and Don't Be Cruel (mp3). You might also like these songs Portrait Of My Love and Softly As I Leave You I did about a year ago. Nice meeting you! Email here

20 March 05 00:55 | Send Comment

Battle of the Bands

We couldn't go to the Battle of the Bands tonight where Jason's band Diesel Sky was competing ('cos we were at the Royal Albert Hall instead where Charlotte was performing with the RCS). Guess what - they won. They'll be in the next round at The Astoria!

20 March 05 00:40 | Send Comment

Aerogramme!

I got an Aerogramme from Australia today. Isn't that cool (?) actual handwriting written by hand like they used to in the old days ! From my childhood friend Daki. She was in my nursery when I was about 4.

01 February 05 11:11 | Send Comment

Kathy Letterman is Alive and Well

Kathy was one of three giggly American tourists in London in the summer of 1972 staying at our University hall of residence. I found her today via www.whitepages.com while testing the ingenuity of this site. It's freeky when someone you met 32 years ago (and speaking for the first time since 1972) says to you 'hey, I got some pictures of you'! Kathy, send me some scans. I think I had long hair then?

27 January 05 18:32 | Send Comment

Ran is in the News Again

Regular readers of this column may remember me working with Sir Ranulph Fiennes (Ran) on his book The Sett. His late wife Ginny used to say 'Orion's on the phone' whenever I called. I guess Hiran sounds like ... Orion !

Ran is preparing for his Everest expedition this Spring hoping to raise £2 million for the British Heart Foundation. What an amazing man - at 60 he suffers from vertigo and a problem heart (but that didn't stop him from running 7 marathons in 7 days on 7 continents only months after major heart surgery in 2003, with my UCL contemporary Dr Mike Stroud). New interview Times Online.

23 January 05 17:12 | Send Comment

The Point of the Needle

The Point of the Needle is a book on the history of embroidery by Dorothy Bromiley Phelan. Who? You might ask, and why do I mention it all of a sudden? Read on.

When I was a boy growing up in 'Ceylon' in the 50s and 60s our 'education and aspirations and everything we knew about' were based on movies like the Carry On films, Norman Wisdom and the Doctor series. One of those movies was It's Great To Be Young (made in 1956 but they used to take up to ten years to come to Ceylon) with John Mills, a tiny Richard O'Sullivan and a host of others who have continued to be visible around us in the intervening decades. One who seems to have disappeared is Dorothy Bromiley, one of the sixth formers in the film ... until now! 'It's Great To Be Young' was on Channel 4 the other day and a quick Google search brought up this letter from Dorothy (Nov 2004) where she writes about what's been happening since 1956, becoming an expert on antique needlework and living in Dorset.

Update: Oh the wonders of the internet and I didn't know this before. One of the three faces on the cover of LIFE is Joan Elan who was born in Colombo and also grew up in Ceylon.

16 January 05 18:24 | Send Comment

Jimmy Griffin

In the 70s I was a big fan of Bread, albeit mostly the David Gates side of it. Did you know that Jim Gordon (drums) played the piano solo at the end of Clapton's Layla which he co-wrote? And did you know that Larry Knechtel (bass) played the piano on Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon & Garfunkel)? I learned this important trivia from David Gates who I saw at the New Victoria Theatre (now the Apollo) with Gordon and Knechtel in 1975. I remember him starting with 'if this is the NEW Victoria I'd like to see the OLD one' which went down like a lead balloon! Still, the music was great. My favourite is the Clouds-Rain Suite from the album 'First'. Still got the vinyl though ruined in a flood in 1985. (Update: it's available on CD in the UK)

14 January 05 20:00 | Send Comment

Boycott Waterstones!

I heard the outrageous story that a fellow Blogger, Joe Gordon, has been sacked by Waterstones for writing about his work on his (non-subversive) satirical Blog the Woolamaloo Gazette. Shame on you Waterstones - don't you want people to read what other people write?!!!

If you want to read what other people write there's Blackwalls, Foyles, Borders, Barnes & Noble and hey, Amazon . And Blogs, of course!

12 January 05 18:08 | Send Comment

The King at 70

Here in the UK Jailhouse Rock is No 1 in the singles charts. Why? Why? Why would anyone want to buy Jailhouse Rock as a single? The track must be on at least a dozen of anyone's Elvis compilation CDs. Here's a top secret photo of Elvis taken just yesterday at his birthday party. Never mind Elvis - check out his cousin Ramjam Presley here.

09 January 05 22:35 | Send Comment

Jerry Springer: The Opera

The highly publicised Jerry Springer The Opera was on BBC2 TV last night. Rather than the promised 8,000 swear words I counted just 3. Well, 4 if you count dick as a swear word. And what's the fuss about Jesus in a nappy? He would have been in nappies at some time in his life. I thought it was great. Great music.. Great humour. Great parody on our society. On the breakfast show on Friday there was a protester who, when asked why she can't just turn off her TV, said 'I can, but that won't stop my neighbour from watching it'. Huh?

09 January 05 16:40 | Send Comment

Tsunami Beach Hotel

My school friend Prof. Kavan Ratnatunga from Carnegie-Mellon University, astro-physicist and the person who single handedly discovered the universe and great friend of Sir Arthur C Clarke ventured out to the east coast of Sri Lanka to see for himself. He found this hotel (see photo). That's Kavan in the photo, not Ron Jeremy for whom he is often mistaken.

05 January 05 16:03 | Send Comment

Our Lady of Matara

This is HOT HOT HOT (CNN, where are you?)

In 1907 a statue of the Virgin Mary was washed up on the southern shores of Sri Lanka (then Ceylon). It was taken to the Church on Sea Beach Road Matara where my mother's ancestral home is (see below and photo on the left). The church is called Our Lady of Matara. Every year in September there is a ceremony and procession to mark the arrival of this statue that's supposed to have miraculous powers. See this Blog Irish Elk and this Daily Mirror .

Yes, you guessed it, when the tsunami struck on Sunday the statue was reclaimed by the sea, but the faithful were confident that the sea will eventually return it to Matara.

This morning I learned from my mother that the statue has indeed been returned by the sea - it had gone all the way through my mother's ancestral home, 'Silverine' on Sea Beach Road, and been found at the end of the back garden! The local people believe that the two female staff in the house survived because of the miraculous powers of the Virgin Mary - the staff are elderly women with 25 years service to the family. How could they have climbed on to the roof? And made their way to safety on their own? (See my entry on 26 Dec) And they were missing for a day. How did the house survive? There you go CNN ... my mother Myrtle is aged 85 in Colombo (and says she'll love to be on TV!)

UPDATE: this story was on CNN just now. They managed without my mother somehow. 5 Jan 2005

31 December 04 11:36 | Send Comment

Knocked Sideways

The scientists report that the earthquake has knocked the Earth off its axis by about 1 inch (?). What that means is, wherever you're going you will get there 1 inch sooner, or later (not sure which) 'cos it will now be an inch closer to you, or further away. Hope that's useful.

Update 06 Jan: I don't want to alarm anyone, but there seems to be a permanent difference of about a minute between the internet-syschronised time on my PC and the time on CNN and other news media on TV. Has this something to do with the Earth slowing down after Sumatra 2004? Or is it just my brain slowing?

30 December 04 01:03 | Send Comment

Thank You

... for all your email messages and phone calls. I heard that Dave's friend is safe in the Maldives, my friend Puni in LA lost two travel clients swept away in SL. We're also concerned about 1,900 Swedish tourists unaccounted for in this tragedy (Charlotte is Swedish and works at the Swedish Embassy in London). I have found a young nephew and niece in the Matara area but their grandparents I heard weren't so lucky. By great coincidence someone who knew them saw the missing persons message I left on www.HelpSL.org and I had a response within hours! My German jazz friends Karl, Manfred, Charly, Helmut and Gert (see video of me at the Hilton) are all safe.

It's little comfort when compared with the enormity of this catastrophe.

Thank You World for your massive response and generosity.

28 December 04 17:02 | Send Comment

Your Next Holiday

I know it's hard to imagine this but ... One way to help the South Asian disaster is to continue to support their tourist industry as soon as the chaos has ended. My friend Abbas Esufally was on CNN a short while ago making the very good point that the tourist attractions in the country are totally intact (eg. historic sites, wildlife) as are the holiday resorts in the unaffected areas. They need your custom now more than ever. Go here for Serendib Leisure and visit Sri Lanka later in 2005.

28 December 04 15:55 | Send Comment

What's a Tsunami?

Oh dear! While the experts try to explain what a tsunami is I see some of the news readers continue to confuse us with things like 'the water moved 1,000 miles at 400 mph'. The water itself doesn't move except up and down; it's the ripple that moved across the ocean. Like when your girlfriends turns over on the water bed and tosses you up on the other end. Still pretty horrendous if you're lying on the beach and the sea level rises next to you by 30 feet suddenly. (Update) Now some of the video coming in shows what happens when the ripple hits the land. Within minutes the water gushing inland goes back into the sea taking with it things it dislodged, and whats left is left piled up some place else.

My cousin Asoka (a doctor holidaying in Sri Lanka) was in the sea at Mt Lavinia near Colombo when he had noticed the tide suddenly and rapidly going down. Sensing this to be odd (there was no wind or any kind of bad weather) he had got out of the water and left the beach area. The big waves came in a little later. The rule is ... IF THE SEA LEVEL RECEDES SUDDENLY DON'T STOP TO PICK UP FISH. RUN LIKE HELL!!

27 December 04 20:42 | Send Comment

Earthquake 8.9 (now revised to 9)

Now to something completely different and quite serious (in sharp contrast to the often irreverent stuff you read here! BELOW)

The photo on the left at the top was taken on a family holiday in 1987 on the driveway leading to my mother Myrtle's ancestral home overlooking the sea at Matara on the southern coast of what once used to be Ceylon. That's Charlotte with Jason and Shana after a walk on the beach - you can see the sea behind them. See larger photos here. When we were kids in the 50s and 60s all the cousins and uncles and aunts used to spend part of our school holidays there, a bit like in the Agatha Christie murder mysteries though fortunately nobody got murdered! It was also where I first heard Elvis as my older cousins were well up on popular music and my dad was also a fan. In the 20s and 30s my grandfather was the District Judge, and they were the first to have things like motor cars and the telephone in the region. Now the island of Ceylon is called Sri Lanka, the family is scattered around the world although we still gather in the old house on rare occasions, particularly at Christmas.

This morning there was a huge earthquake some 1,600 km across the Indian Ocean near Sumatra directly to the left behind where Charlotte is standing, the 5th strongest in recorded history measuring 8.9 on the Richter Scale. This produced a tsunami which according to news reports became some 10 metres high when it reached this spot. That's 6 times Charlotte's height in the photo. It would have completely covered the big house behind me for a few seconds. (Update: seeing the scale of the devastation since I wrote this initial thought I can see that my treasured childhood memories of Matara are a mere nothing in comparison with the plight facing the poor people and the relief efforts. 28 Dec)

For the first time in three years, this year we stayed in London over Christmas. My family in Colombo are safe; we now think the two staff in the house in Matara are also safe (updated 27 Dec) and the house is still standing though a little crippled.

I don't know how but please help the relief operations in any way you can. There's hundreds of thousands of people affected in Indonesia, India, Thailand and the Maldive Islands. They've never encountered anything like this on such a massive scale.
Latest news www.cnn.com

Disaster Emergency Committe is fundraising centrally for all the major charities 0870 60 60 900

Go www.dec.org.uk

26 December 04 16:00 | Send Comment

Be great. Be superb

I'm inspired by TP's Success Tip #37 "Nobody can prevent you from choosing to be exceptional." Be exceptional. More wisdom from TP here

24 December 04 23:59 | Send Comment

Feedback

From January next year you too can play this game ... ie, write comments on these little tidbits for all the world to read. Until then send me email if you must.

24 December 04 23:55 | Send Comment

Wishing Everyone A Generic Christmas

Wishing all my people a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, except that I would ask those who begin 'new years' at other times of the year to hold my wishes until your particular year begins in February, April etc depending on which part of the world you come from - I wouldn't like to be so arrogant as to assume that new years start on January 1 for everyone. Of course, many of you have new years that run concurrently, or a new year that gets 'restarted' every few months, like Jan 1st and then the Chinese New Year, and so on to the Sinhalese New Year in April (a bit like changing into a new condom part way through sex when there is no logical need to) in a multi-ethnic society (my Divali year only started a couple of months ago and is still quite fresh). In the UK there is a move to make Christmas multi-cultural (given that it was originally the pagan festival of the Winter Solstice going back several millenia and still celebrated by many). I think what they want is a multi-cultural dimension to the school nativity play, for example, the three wise men to be represented by leaders of other religious faiths. Huh? There is a similar exhibit at Madame Tussaud's wax museum right now (wise men = Tony Blair, George Bush !!! and Kylie Minogue as the angel with bum in the air in a provocative and inviting pose. It reminds me of when my wife said to me 'are you having sex behind my back'? That question really puzzled me. I asked 'er ... who did you think it was then? It's a good idea to look around and check once in a while!'). So when I wish you all a Merry Christmas what I really mean is 'Good Wishes with generic placeholders' for the symbolic icons so you can replace Santa, Rudolph and the rest of the entourage with your own choice of icons from any walk of life, religious icons from your own faith, politicians, popstars, pornstars as you wish. That way everyone is looked after properly.

20 December 04 16:05 | Send Comment

Benares - Berkeley Square

Indian cuisine meets Mayfair created by Michelin award winning chef Atul Kochhar. I had a nice lunch with a fascinating man at Benares today, between the Bentley showroom and Berkeley Square House where I used to work some 15 years ago. Deliciously expensive as great food and great ambiance should be. Go here for bookings.

14 December 04 23:25 | Send Comment

Louis Walsh

Rushing to get to the Royal Albert Hall to the Royal Choral Society Christmas Carol Concert (Charlotte with the RCS) I drove past Louis Walsh who gave me a cheery wave. Louis, if you're reading this click here and meet your twin!

13 December 04 23:17 | Send Comment

Laptops

There's a news item in tomorrow's papers that laptops can reduce fertility in men. That's because the posture required to balance the laptop on the lap leads to high temperatures around the scrotum. Which reminds me of another means of contraception I heard of. It's a pill for men - you put it in your shoe and it makes you limp (yuh, took me a while to get that one too).

09 December 04 00:37 | Send Comment

Charles and Diana - that interview

With the broadcast of the Diana video tapes in the US last night we are again talking about the morning the engagement of Charles and Diana was announced - where the TV man says 'and very much in love' and Diana says 'of course' and Charles then says 'whatever in love means'.

There's a curious thing about that which I have never seen mentioned anywhere in almost 25 years since. I was watching the story unfold live on TV that morning on ITV, and that interview was broadcast live on TV. I remember being a little shocked at Charles's comment. I then immediately changed to BBC and a few minutes later this interview was shown 'as if it's being broadcast live' - ie. obviously recorded a few minutes earlier when it actually happened but the programme editors transmitting it as if it is happening live - often called 'as live'). Here's my point ... on the BBC, they ended the interview just before Charles made his comment! So somebody at the BBC must have made a quick executive decision on the inappropriateness of a statement by the heir to the throne (it could have been an intervention by the Palace but there was only a few minutes between the two transmissions so I doubt it). I'd like to hear from anyone who noticed that on the day. Email

30 November 04 14:04 | Send Comment

Deportment

No. no that's not about sending you back to Lithuania. A friend of mine used to be a model in the Swinging Sixties. In those days they were taught how to get in and out of cars with grace. With the new curb-crawling laws that sort of thing is illegal now.

21 November 04 15:37 | Send Comment

Classical Spectacular

London, you can't get away from us. While I'm strutting my stuff at the Bob Hope Theatre Charlotte is doing her's with the Royal Choral Society at the Royal Albert Hall. We think that's sold out - even I can't go see it. Mozart's Requiem, Parry and other goodies.

But there are some tickets for Anything Goes, for the weekdays. Half my jury from September (I was on jury service) is coming on Thursday. If anyone is coming be on time or you'll miss my big moment - tra-la-la-la-la.

20 November 04 15:00 | Send Comment

Arafat and aides

What's all this fuss about Arafat having aides? All politicians have them.

16 November 04 23:59 | Send Comment

Vertigo 2

I find it hard to persuade myself to accept that a great band like U2 and a big corporation like Apple a big brand like iPod and all their clever people and lawyers involved in a massive world wide ad campaign which would have taken months to develop involving hundreds of very knowledgable people would have failed to notice the striking similarity between the two pieces of music (see Vertigo 13/11/04). My bet is that this was deliberate, arranged with the original composers, so that we talk about it amongst ourselves and thereby promote the iPod. Along with, by the way, Bono's count-in 'uno, dos, tres, ...' and apparently what sounds like fourteen! Put U2 and Supremes into Google and you'll what I mean - everybody is talking about it (well almost, 'cos I'm not).

15 November 04 21:12 | Send Comment

Vertigo

This item is for the lawyers of Diana Ross and the Supremes. Go here for Vertigo - The Hiran Mix. Vertigo is the new U2 track that's used by Apple to promote the iPod in their new TV commercial. When I first heard it I thought they were doing You Keep Me Hanging On by Diana Ross and the Supremes, classic MoTown, then I realised the words were different. I think it's a right rip-off. Listen to it. What do you think?

13 November 04 23:42 | Send Comment

New Microsoft Search Engine

The new Microsoft search engine is here for testing. Try putting in 'more evil than satan' and see what you get .......!

13 November 04 14:36 | Send Comment

Come See The Show!

Just put some details of Anything Goes here for you. I'm doing it with Hulviz Operatic Society in 2 weeks in SE London - well, the West End of SE London then! This one's going to be really fab as I just luuuurve Cole Porter's music. This is my first show with this fab group of people. I get to do the Sailor in a scene with the very famous Suzanne Dean, and sing top tenor in the Sailors' Quartet. Bon Voyage!

06 November 04 23:00 | Send Comment

Next US President

It looks like Bush wins by a nose. Why can't both Bush and Kerry be President? There's enough work for two.

02 November 04 16:30 | Send Comment

Windows XP SP2

I just had to uninstall SP2 on one of my PCs because it gave me trouble. A dialog popped up with this warning 'Your computer has Bulls Eye, 180SearchAssistant, WebReabates, Win Comm installed. If you proceed with the uninstall these programs might not work'!!!! (These are ad-ware nuisances that should not work if SP2 is installed)

24 October 04 23:18 | Send Comment

Columbo Errors!

Back to spotting errors in episodes of Columbo. In 'Negative Reaction' the one with Dick Van Dyke (don't let your abuse filter anywhere near that name!) - one of the best stings - isn't it easier to prove that the photograph was taken at 2pm and not 10 am by the shadow of the clock? Huh? And how would the murderer (Van Dyke) know that the camera in question was on the shelf behind a bunch of other cameras in a back room? Excellent though, almost on par with the Roddy McDowell one in the cable car. (Am I watching too much TV?)

24 October 04 23:15 | Send Comment

Live TV and the X-Factor

If the X Factor is LIVE how come the camera cut to Peter of '2 To Go' just as he unexpectedly said 'shut up' to Simon Cowell? I wonder what Columbo would have made of that.

23 October 04 23:05 | Send Comment

Bacall 0 - Kidman 1

What was Lauren Bacall thinking when she opened her Michael Parkinson talk show chat today describing the 'how can she be a legend?' gaff about Ms Kidson completely incorrectly?

Madam, we saw the footage of the interview (about 2 months ago?). You objected to Ms Kidman being called a legend, not an icon. And your point was that she hasn't been around for long enough to be 'a legend', not that she has many years ahead of her. Big difference. Sack your spin doctor. (Go on sue me!)

23 October 04 23:00 | Send Comment

Road Rage

I had my first road rage attack in Lewisham, SE London, shortly after midnight - by the traffic police! Ok, ok I did reverse my car on to his car.

20 October 04 08:25 | Send Comment

Abraham Luboff

And who is that you might ask. Mr Luboff played the bass viola in the start of the famous Jaws music. So how do I know that? I found this brilliant movies-related obituaries site by a film buff who really knows his stuff. Go here. When I have a free moment I go there and catch up on my heroes I didn't know had passed on to pastures new. eg. I didn't know Russ Meyer had departed recently to that great cleavage in the sky. And "I didn't get where I'm today" British actor John Barron.

14 October 04 23:25 | Send Comment

Hiran 1 - Ballmer 0

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah. While I'm on the name-dropping mood, today I was at a Microsoft Partner seminar at which Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer (zillionaire) was the chief guest. I last saw him in 2000 at the Office 2000 launch at the same venue, Wembley Conference Centre in London.

The highlight for me at the 2000 launch was when Ballmer said, in the middle of his speech, 'I see most of you taking notes with pen and paper. How many of you use a PDA?' And (listen carefully as this is the first best bit) I was the only one in that huge auditorium. I know 'cos I was the only one waving my Palm III in my usual show-off manner. So, today was quite a revelation (here's the second best bit) when in the thick of the Q&A session Balmer reaches in his pocket and pulls out .... a paper notepad, on which he takes notes!

Hey Steve, I was scribbling down all your wisdom on my iPaq. What happened to you?

04 October 04 23:19 | Send Comment

Anything Goes - The Musical (November 2004)

Remember that I'm the Sailor in our local production of the Cole Porter musical Anything Goes at the Bob Hope Theatre, Eltham 23-27 November. Box Office: 020 8858 9803.

No sword fighting in this show, but lots of great songs and it's very very funny.

14 October 04 16:30 | Send Comment

The X-Factor (ITV)

Did you see some of the 'harmony' groups auditions? Boy, some of them have a weird conception of vocal harmony - many just sang the melody but in different keys! It creates a kind of gamelan harmony, if there's any such thing.

X-Factor is the new Pop Idol/American Idol type show with Simon Cowell.

01 October 04 01:59 | Send Comment

So Who DO Gurus Learn From?

It's not everyday when a business guru like Tom Peters picks up an idea from you, heh heh! Tom started a series on his Blog called '100 Ways To Succeed'. My contribution is small but BIG, if you see what I mean. See under 'Comments' 24 September 2004.

01 October 04 01:59 | Send Comment

Jury Service

I can say nothing!!! I'm on jury service right now. I can't write about the case but I can say that the judge is rather dishy. This week's judge is not bad looking either. This week's judge is a lady.

21 September 04 18:50 | Send Comment

Monkeys and Company Policy

I found this on the net ...

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough,whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.

Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder. One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

01 September 04 15:03 | Send Comment

Tom Peters!

I have started writing and sharing my professional work again, after keeping all my ideas to myself for a few years now. Anyway, it's nice to see Tom Peters, the great management guru, responding to my comments on www.TomPeters.com today within seven minutes just after his breakfast this morning. Not sure that reminding him of Donald Trump is necessarily a complement though. Hmm...

31 August 04 18:58 | Send Comment

Well done Stagepass.com

My gratitude to Kevin Sharples of www.stagepass.com , Customer Services, for sorting out my order in a masterful way. I nominate him Customer Services Maestro of the Year - Master of Diplomacy. I like it.

24 August 04 19:31 | Send Comment

Olympics 2008 - Suggestions

Why throw javelins individually? Why not all the competitors throw their javelins at the same time? Runners don't run individually, do they? Charlotte says she sees the runners slow down as they cross the tape. Sure enough I can see on the replay they not only slow down approaching the tape but they even freeze right at the tape. Wow. Why not run all the 400 metre heats at the same time 10 seconds apart? Save time, as will the javelin idea. The hurdles will be less obstructive if laid flat. Why do the swimmers have to swim in an arrow formation? It's not fair on the competitors at the edges 'cos they can never win that way. Why do male athletes always dress to the left? Won't breast enlargements give female runners an unfair advantage? Is it banned? Same would be true for male runners also, no? Conversation heard in Athens, "Are you a pole vaulter"? "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name"?

24 August 04 19:26 | Send Comment

Sharon Davis's Hands

Boy, Sharon Davis has massive hands, particularly fingers. Not only that but she has long finger nails to make them look even bigger. Plus the camera position she was commentating to made her hands considerable closer to the camera and her presentation style is all in the hands, entirely wrist driven hand choreography the rest of her staying motionless. Remember the late great Kenny Everett in his 'Brotherly Love' sketches?

19 August 04 10:56 | Send Comment

Kayak

When the Olympics come round don't you find that you watch certain sports that you have never watched before? Kayak is one for me. But I'm glad I happened to see a great fight between two guys almost inseparable paddling furiously to win in the raging rapids. What I found curious though is isn't guy sitting in the front of the boat always going to win? (or have I missed something?)

19 August 04 10:51 | Send Comment

Is Duncan Goodhew Bald?

Watching the swimming in Athens reminds me. About a year ago I was in a wine bar in Bloomsbury, London and pissing next to me was a smartly dressed bald man who looked just like Duncan Goodhew. I told him so suggesting that he should register with a look-alike agency. It turned out he is Duncan Goodhew. I can now confirm at first hand that Mr Goodhew is completely bald.

15 August 04 17:58 | Send Comment

Cliff Does The F-word

Listen to the clip of Cliff Richard track from 1958 High Class Baby . I think he does the F-word, towards the end of the clip.

15 August 04 17:50 | Send Comment

Stansted Airport - M11

This is a public information message. If you're going to Stansted on a tight schedule make damn sure that you exit the M11 motorway when you should. The signs are pretty clear but if you forget ('cos maybe you're on the phone or something) the next exit isn't for a long long time!!! This happened to us this morning - the whole turn-round involved a 30 minute detour. (Luckily Charlotte owns Ryanair and planes don't take off unless she says so. Only kidding) We were very early as usual. Once we were travelling to Washington DC from Heathrow we were soooo early they put us on the earlier flight! True.

I have to iron my own shirts until Friday when Charlotte is back.

14 August 04 18:44 | Send Comment

Athens 2004

Did you see the Opening Ceremony last night? Each country was introduced 3 times eg. 'Fiji', 'Fiji' and 'Fiji'. The second time is for those didn't hear it the first time and the third time is for those who missed it the first two times. Remember the joke about 'Stake and chips twice'? Funny how half the participants have grown a DV camera on the end of their right arm. It's a side effect of the drugs they take.

14 August 04 18:41 | Send Comment

Red Adair

Red Adair came up in the conversation three times last week - I was catching up with several people with whom I did some 'Red Adair' type management troubleshooting with technology over the past 7 years. Way back in my school days I saw the John Wayne, Jim Hutton film Hellfighters based on Red Adair's oil field firefighting outfit.

Just think, if you only take on projects that other people have already failed at (1) you learn from them how not to do it and (2) you cannot fail any worse, any change is often an improvement (3) you can justifiably write your own pay cheque if you succeed!

Red Adair passed away today at 89.

08 August 04 21:27 | Send Comment

Bush Tells Us As It Is

Today George W. Bush said "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we," (You might need to read that again!)

05 August 04 21:27 | Send Comment

Jesus

I have been called many things in my time but Jesus is a new one.

Today, on Google I found a link to a few nice words written by a guy/gal called Soulhuntre written in October 2001 where he refers to me as his 'new personal Jesus' in his Blog. Go here.

Read the rest of his stuff here, hot on some Michael Moore knocking and why not? Soulhuntre, (if you're rading this) there is no email link on your Blog. Hi, anyway.

03 August 04 00:44 | Send Comment

Peter Schmidt (Trumpet) and Michael

Found young Peter Schmidt from Poland playing trumpet at Covent Garden yesterday. Peter, if you read this the Glenn Miller Tribute is at this link Canary Wharf.

Not to be confused with Peter Smith (vocal and guitar) I met in Charing Cross in 1997. I'm soooo inspired by street entertainers - Paul from Goodge Street taught me my fav classical guitar piece Valse Creollo by Antonio Lauro back in 1997 (whare are you Paul?). Two weeks ago I met Michael at Tottenham Court Road tube station. He had a fabulous jazz/boogie backing track to which he was playing a great electric guitar. On closer examination, to my pleasant surprise, he had created it with a little Yamaha QY100 portable sequencer whereas I struggle to create anything 1% as good on my £thousands of technology.

30 July 04 15:58 | Send Comment

Free CD

I found this complaint against my old company Northern & Shell which publishes OK! Magazine. Someone had complained to the Advertising Standards Authority that the claim 'Free CD for every reader' on the cover was misleading because only 1 CD was included in each magazine (!)

In 1985 we misprinted a title as The PENTHOUSE CALENDER !! Nobody noticed that.

29 July 04 11:04 | Send Comment

Dis-TROY-ed

Saw TROY destroyed yesterday. In the 60s my dad took me to see 'Helen Of Troy' when I was ony in short trousers. I noticed a few subtle intrigues they had put in for those who remember that film. When Peter O'Toole copped it I thought he well deserved it after what he did to his victims in The Night Of The Generals - although in this film he is a good guy. Composer James Horner must have more than a little inspiration seeing O'Toole on the set. Listen to the theme tune 'Remember' and then listen to 'Lawrence Of Arabia' standing on your head. You will hear it is the same, only upside down. The melody, the chord changes. I counted the ships, there were a few short of a thousand. I remember watching an interview with Charlton Heston who said they'll never make the likes of Ben Hur 'cos it's too expensive to get millions of extras anymore. Wrong, Chuck!! They didn't explain about Achilles's heel so a few people must have been a little confused. So there it is, a nice action movie inspired by a story by the guy from Simpsons.

25 July 04 17:54 | Send Comment

Check out Monte Procopio

Listen to Monte at www.monteprocopio.com and get his CD "Swinging in Style". Not only has he bags of energy and fantastic 13-piece band arrangements ... he's a nice guy too. He's be in the UK later this year.

I bought Monte's CD from www.CDBaby.com . Today I had the kind of email that normally says 'your goods have shipped' - this one says:

"Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow. A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing. Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy. We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Saturday, July 17th. I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did.
Your picture is on our wall as 'Customer of the Year'. We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!! Thank you once again, Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby". Nice one!

17 July 04 16:40 | Send Comment

Simon & Garfunkel with Everly Brothers

I saw S&G the last time they were here in 1982 at Wembley Stadium (and EB in 1985 Albert Hall). This time it was a nice picnic in Hyde Park on a cool summer evening. It took me some 35 years to spot that the entire repetoire is lyrically quite depressing (thanks to Marianne for observing that!) until they finished with 59th St Bridge Song.

16 July 04 00:40 | Send Comment

U2

I heard in the news the latest album U2 have been recording has been stolen. They still haven't found what they're looking for !... (groan)

16 July 04 00:35 | Send Comment

Rare Michael Buble links I found

Surrender
Bill Bailey
Can't Help Falling Love

14 July 04 10:00 | Send Comment

Mixed Doubles

Tracy Austin is Sarah Jessica Parker in drag. Next time you hear Mario Ancic speak shut your eyes and you will hear Goran underneath. Maria Sharapova is Monica Seles right down to the grunt and the giggle. Muresmo is Robbie Williams when she is not Greg Rusedski and Ted Danson.

01 July 04 16:40 | Send Comment

Tiger Tim Henman

Reaching the Quarter Finals at Wimbledon 8 times and the Semi-Finals 4 times Tim Henman must rank up there with the greats.

30 June 04 23:07 | Send Comment

Double Bed Or Twin?

The owner of a small hotel in Scotland is in the news today for refusing to let a double room with a double bed to a gay couple (his reasons I cannot print here!). He offered a room with twin beds instead (with two single beds). Now, what can you do on a double bed that's not a whole lot more fun on a single?

30 June 04 23:07 | Send Comment

Bill Clinton - autobiography

From the title of Bill Clinton's forthcoming book My Life evidently it doesn't cover as much ground as Bjorn Borg's 1981 autobiog My Life and Game. Maybe Clinton's sequel will be called My Game.

The promotional poster at the bookshop says 'Coming Soon' - there you go Monica, get your dress ready!

22 June 04 11:17 | Send Comment

Naked Shopping

I wish I had known. Yesterday at the Plaza Centre (a shopping mall) in Oxford St was Britain's first naked shopping evening. Low turnout because of the big England match in Portugal. It must have been a little confusing at the sausgae counter.

22 June 04 11:08 | Send Comment

Euro 2004 - England 1 France 2

Well, we were the victors for about 92 minutes of the game, and France only for 2 minutes. That's one way of looking at it I suppose.

Another way is, although I was born in England, when France scored the second goal something quickly reminded me that I was conceived in Paris.

Charlotte thinks England have a good chance of winning Euro 2004, provided they get past Brazil. I said "Brazil didn't qualify". (Shock) "What? No, surely not. they are the best in the wortld". "They didn't qualify because Brazil is not in Europe". Well, not yet anyway. Anyway we are also Swedish and we beat Bulgaria 5 - 0!

14 June 04 21:39 | Send Comment

Ray Charles

I was at the piano singing Georgia On My Mind fairly late at night when the TV news announced Ray Charles's passing. Hear Steve Tyrell (from Bill Wysaske's site)

12 June 04 00:02 | Send Comment

Going to a retreat

Charlotte said it'll be nice to spend a weekend in a retreat. Why doesn't she just walk backwards?

10 June 04 12:52 | Send Comment

Michael Buble Concert Tour

There must be a God. Have you heard the lovely jazz chords on the track That's All on Michael Buble CD? After spending hours trying to work it out from the CD and his live DVD I bumped into the excellent Brian Green outside after the Michael Buble concert last night at Carling Apollo ('outside' though not in the George Michael sense!). This is the guy who actually plays it in Michael's band on guitar. Hey Brian (if you're reading this - you got mail), thanks for stopping to chat and offering to show me the chords. Man, you're a gentleman.

30 May 04 20:17 | Send Comment

Eugene Portman on Piano

Hello to Eugene, jazz pianist at the Crown Plaza - St James's last night. I was leaving an Institute of Directors event there when I was drawn to the strains of 'Have You Seen Miss Jones'. That turned into another impromptu jazz singing experience. Hello also to the three ladies at the table - 'Smile', 'Over The Rainbow', 'Lady Is A Tramp'. Visit Eugene's web site and book him for your next function www.eugeneportman.com .

27 May 04 16:23 | Send Comment

Shows Galore

A bit busy being entertained lately. After our All 4 One (Erith Operatic) and the hard work that went into it it's nice to sit in the audience for a change!

Eric Clapton at the Royal Albert Hall thanks to Nahil and Joanna - one minute I have a free evening, the next I'm off to see Clapton as Joanna had exam preparation. There must be a God! Jesus Christ Superstar (Dartford Operatic) at The Orchard. Superb Christ and Judas, and our Erith colleagues Dawn, Jenny, Peter in the chorus. Anything Goes (the West End production) is the funniest stage musical I have ever seen. The high point was spotting David Sullivan pulling up in his Rolls - yes, he is about 4' 2". Don't confuse his height with 4' 33" a composition by John Cage (see below). Then Gosdpell by Swanley Light Operatic Group (SLOG - appropriately!) and hello to Jackie, Sue and Kim who joined us for All 4 One. Malcolm Corti - Musical Director (Erith). I knew the music from the LP I had 30 years ago but never seen the show. It all came back to me "prepare ye the way of the Lord", "Day by Day" and "Stand Back O Man". Saturday 22nd May Elvis in Concert from Las Vegas at The Orchard. Man he was damn good even at 69! Age, I might add. Seriously though, Richard Atkins (that's who he is) is the most accurate Elvis tribute artist I have come across so far. Sunday at the Royal Albert Hall for a concert by Kazem Al-Shahir produced by my friend Joe Melkonian (chairman of the Melkonian Foundation). Mr Al-Shahir I heard is the biggest name in popular music in the whole of the Middle East, and judging from the euphoria at the RAH - it was pandemonium at times with several stage invasions and security guards doing rugby tackles on stage. By comparison Eric Clapton two weeks ago seemed like an unknown! The high point was our car being wheel clamped. I was surprised at the number of people openly holding up camcorders and mini disk recorders, one guy holding up a big mic and studio headphones discreetly on his head.

Next Michael Buble at Carling Apollo Hamersmith this Saturday. Then Stephen Triffitt (Sinatra from the Rat Pack show) at the RFH and I have two tickets for Simon & Garfunkel/Everley Brothers at Hyde Park on 15 July.

26 May 04 18:07 | Send Comment

Anything Goes - The Musical

A message from Barbara Archer who is directing a local production of Anything Goes, at the Bob Hope Theatre, Eltham (SE London) in November - she needs more men and thought I might know some ! So if you think you're a man and sing any male part please contact me via the email link above. As a bonus please be informed that I am hoping to play some part in that mayhem - though I'm unlikely to be sword fighting in this one (!) but (in an unscheduled twist in the plot?) I might be the sailor who falls overboard in the prologue!!! Auditions around 20 May.

05 May 04 16:57 | Send Comment

Hustle (not Hustler!)

If you were confused about the 'Are You Diane Pittam - re. Hustle video' item that was here, it is the stupid BBC - I found this lady who had taped the final episode of Hustle BUT the BBC forum rules prevent us from exchanging any form of contact info. Ms. Pittam didn't find me 'cos looks like she didn't think of searching Google for Hiran de Silva!

Anyway, Mr/Ms Ajmoss did come out of the blue to my rescue and has taped that episode and is making a VCD as we speak. Thanks AJ!

Note again - this is HUSTLE we are talking about, a brilliant series on BBC TV based around a group of upmarket conmen starring Robert Vaughan - NOT HUSTLER !

05 May 04 16:57 | Send Comment

Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Piano

I don't know if this is an April Fool's joke, but there's a news item on the front page of the Sri Lanka Daily Mirror that a wealthy businessman has stormed into the Hilton Hotel (where I did my jazz gig in December - see video) and shot at the piano. Glad he missed me. Evidently it took him three months to go find a gun!

32 Mar 04 00:03 | Send Comment

A New Patch For Horny Men

The popularity of the nicotine patch for quitting smoking gave me an idea. How about a similar patch for those who want to, or are required to, be celebate but are losing the battle? Through the skin, the patch will give a 24 hour permanent orgasm of reduced intensity. In addition, having a patch stuck on your member will make it a little impractical to use in the normal way?

32 Mar 04 00:01 | Send Comment

Rules for Buddhist Monks

I was amused to find that in the Rules for Buddhist Monks there is a clause that forbids sexual activity; it goes on to clarify 'even with a female animal'. I always thought, if nothing else works out, I'll try and get ordained as a Buddhist monk. Now I'm not too sure that's a good idea. Check it out for for yourself.

27 Mar 04 23:53 | Send Comment

Jackpot

In tonight's lottery I had 4 of the 7 numbers drawn. The jackpot was £8 million that you get for 6 numbers. I'll expected a cheque for 2/3rd of £8 million. They gave me £10.

27 Mar 04 23:47 | Send Comment

A Song Started By (my nephew) Viren, Finished By Me

I don't wanna sleep alone without you in my bed
'cos when you're not around me
Baby, it's messing up my head
However, when you make that stupid farting sound you see
You make me wake up instead

Thanks to my nephew Viren. It needs more work :(

25 Mar 04 16:11 | Send Comment

Annie!

Have you seen Anne Robinson lately? She was with Terry & Gaby today (yes, too much daytime telly). At first I thought it's someone else who used to look like Anne Robinson - and it was Anne Robinson! She's lost half her face! Gosh, how did that happen?

In my quest to find out what had happened I put 'Anne Robinson Face' into Google and this came up. Go here and help yourself to some inspiring words. (You're welcome!) Thanks Anne!

25 Mar 04 16:07 | Send Comment

Edible Bonds

Contenders to play James Bond after Pierce Brosnan are Sean Bean and Kevin Bacon. Does it help to be named after some food to get noticed by the Brocolli family? What about Jasper Carrot? Michael Fish? Anymore?

23 Mar 04 11:09 | Send Comment

New Planet

Astronomers have discovered a new planet they call Sedna. New? Elvis Presley brought this one to our notice in the early 60s in Return To Sedna. In fact, Elvis Presley's discovery must even pre-date the 60s because to Return To Sedna he must have been there before.

16 Mar 04 08:15| Send Comment

Herod the Great

Today my Sunday Sermon has a Biblical theme - and why not, it's Sunday! It's frightening how our knowledge is so shaped by powerful contemporary messages. All this time I thought the ruler who condemned Christ to crucifixion was King Herod - well that was from the gospel according to Rice and Lloyd-Webber. I was reading about Herod and from his year of birth I figured he must have been about 110 at the time of the crucifixion. Then I learned to my shock and horror that Herod died shortly after the birth of Jesus and historically no confrontation between Herod and Christ would have taken place. However, in Superstar it made great entertainment and I guess that's far more important for us today than what actually happened, or didn't, all those yonks ago.

In times to come there will be less and less true historic record. Generations of children will believe that the Americans cracked the Enigma Code, for example, according to the gospel of Hollywood. Until now we had photographic record of the past 150 years of history. All it takes is Jason and Photoshop to change all that for ever!

You'll chuckle when you learn that King Herod's first wife was called Doris.

14 Mar 04 14:25| Send Comment

Hair and Grooming

Those of you who have seen the movie There's Something About Mary will remember the hair gel scene - Ben Stiller's unexpected unintentional but innovative fashion statement. Stiller and Wilson were on Jonathan Ross's talk show last night (talking about the new Starsky & Hutch movie) and I'm happy to announce that Mr. Stiller's hair did not appear to stick up with 'gel' this time. However, Owen Wilson's hair seemed completely drenched in some sticky, gooey muck. I see Ben's aim, though still not perfect, has improved!

13 Mar 04 15:05| Send Comment

Late Trains

It is reported today that a quarter of trains (in the UK) are running late. Can you imagine the disruption? These late running trains not only delay their passengers but also hold up the other trains behind them that are on time.

I have two solutions to this problem. One is to have a separate track on which the late running trains can run, and two why not schedule the late running trains to run on Saturdays and Sundays instead?

11 Mar 04 14:20| Send Comment

David Soul (Hutch)

I was coming out of a pub in Central London the other day when David Soul was coming in with two colleagues. Of course I ran like hell, forgetting that he's been off duty for 25 years. The new movie Starsky & Hutch has its premiere in Leicester Square tonight. David Soul lives and works in London. Buy his new CD end of March via his website.

11 Mar 04 14:17| Send Comment

$1m Bill

A woman in Georgia pulls out a $1m bill to pay for $1,672 worth of goods and asks for change and ... the cashier suspects it's a fake and calls the police! And she's being charged as well! She had another two in her bag. (Note: The largest US dollar bill is $100)

I have a dozen of these I got from a tourist shop in Vegas. Better hide them !

10 Mar 04 19:30| Send Comment

Guantanamo Bay

Every time I hear Guantanamo Bay mentioned in the news I can't help humming along.

Guantanamo Bay, guajira Guantanamo Bay
Guantanamo Bay, guajira Guantanamo Bay

Footnote: Oh wow. A little research tells me that the song is actually about The Girl from Guantanamo. Click here

10 Mar 04 19:16| Send Comment

World's Oldest Man. Again!

You might remember I was confused about this guy - he travels a lot, keeps changing his name, and dies every few months. Well, you guessed it. He's done it again! Now called Joan Riudavets Moll (yes Joan) and now a Spanish national aged 114. BBC story

Good on you, Joan.

08 Mar 04 17:21| Send Comment

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Scientists have discovered a diamond 1/4 the size of Earth 50 light years away - details here. Of course they've called it Lucy! Did you know that Sir Arthur C Clarke did just that in his book 2061: Odyssey Three - and also (not surprisingly) named it Lucy? (see chapter 48). Personally I would have called it Sonia - Sonia but yet so far.

He used the date 9/11 for the global catastrophe in Rendezvous with Rama and of course was the first to write about the possibility of geo-stationary satellites we take for granted today, way back in 1945. Now, about those lottery numbers for this Saturday ...

Sir Arthur's home is Sri Lanka where I grew up. See my list of prominent people linked to Ceylon/Sri Lanka on the column of the right of this page.

06 Mar 04 18:22| Send Comment

BillCenterUSA - Watch Out!

This morning I had an email 'Trouble with your order'. It said my laptop (which I never ordered) cannot be delivered and follow the link to get my refund. Of course, there might be some mistake and if I ask quickly I could grab someone else's There they ask for your CC or bank details, with ATM PIN no less!!!

04 Mar 04 09:21| Send Comment

Alistair Cooke Retires at 95

Alistair Cooke has been presenting his Letter From America programme on BBC Radio 4 since 1946 and retires today at 95. This was a total of 2,869 programmes and represents 29 days of continuous broadcasting.

I don't want to sound disrespectful, but hey! Most people do the equivalent of 29 days continuous work in something like 4 months. What would your boss say if you took 58 years over 4 months work? I'd say Mr Cooke would have been the darling of any temp agency!

02 Mar 04 22:59| Send Comment

Song For Europe

I write this as I watch the votes for Song For Europe on BBC1. How damn stupid! They're stretching it out taking votes from region by region to make it exciting like the real Eurovision, but ... the first region is just as representative as the whole of the UK, isn't it? You can see Terry Wogan having difficulty keeping a straight face as he tells us 'all this can change when we see the SMS votes at the end'. What a waste of 20 mins!

28 Feb 04 21:15| Send Comment

Buckling my Swash

All4One is a musical based on the Dumas classics The Three Musketeers and Man With The Iron Mask. For this I am learning to sword fight and we're being trained by Nicholas Hall, a sword figthing choreographer who really knows his stuff. The competitor in me keeps forgetting that it's just pretend and I go for the kill when I shouldn't. Fortunately I don't have to fight and sing at the same time. All4One will run for one week at The Playhouse Erith in April.

16 Feb 04 18:45| Send Comment

Celebrity

Will someone make a TV show called "I want to be a celebrity, put me in there"?

16 Feb 04 18:10| Send Comment

Lord Of The Rings

We went to see Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King at Filmworks near the Millennium Dome. I usually only go to West End cinemas but this turned out to be something quite special. The most expensive seats are called The Gallery, over 18s only and with nice large comfortable leather seats and room to spread out and separate entrance - like having a huge screen in your own living room. Unlimited popcorns and drinks included in the price. Another thing quite surprising and included in the price was a little mouse that landed on my left arm right in the middle of a really scary bit. i screamed and jumped about but in the hubbub I don't think anyone noticed. These special effects are getting far too good!

15 Feb 04 09:00| Send Comment

Sunday Sermon: Corruption is Good

Those of you keeping a keen eye on events in Sri Lanka must have read recently that a major bribery and corruption accusation has been directed towards most of the cabinet. Hey, what's the fuss? If there is one unifying religion in SL it must surely be bribery and corruption, no? It is the common language and indeed the single-currency of the entire region, if not the whole world. Come to think of it, none of the major religions in the world have 'thou shall not bribe' in any of their commandments, do they?
Our cities were built on it. Our economy runs on it. Without bribery how can we get anyone to do anything? Instead of pretending it shouldn't happen we should acknowledge that it is a major element of normal social behaviour, because it is. It should be in the school curriculum and our young ought to be taught how to do it properly and tested in examinations.

15 Feb 04 08:04| Send Comment

Did the Past exist?

There is a theory that there was no such thing as 'the past'. The past is a collection of memories invented by your mind to explain the present. If you think about it there is no scientific evidence that the past ever existed. All the evidence we have exists in the present - yesterdays newspapers, your mailbox etc. Indeed the same applies to our perception of the future. No scientific evidence. A crazy idea I know but what did they think of Galileo in his time? Who, of course, didn't exist either and being a clever chap he knew it.

15 Feb 04 08:04| Send Comment

Karachi/Colombo Tour - Dec/Jan

Oh Man, I needed a 3 week holiday to recover from this one. Go to The Hiran Experience for piccies and video from the Rotary Club event and two evenings with Karl Katz and his jazz band from Germany at the Colombo Hilton. BTW the banner at Molly's Irish Pub (see photo) says 'Greetings From Ireland'. We were just there enjoying a drink when some people who saw us do our obligatory 'All You Have To Do Is Dream' at another venue requested that we do it here as well.

The high point was my mum (84) at the Hilton gig - she taught me all this stuff from when I was 6 but has never seen me perform until now!

27 Jan 04 21:45| Send Comment

PIA

Do not fly Pakistan International Airways anywhere, ever!!!

27 Jan 04 22:05| Send Comment

4' 33"

John Cage's seminal piece 4' 33" was to be performed at the Barbican today and broadcast live on BBC Radio 3. I rushed home hoping I hadn't missed this short piece and tuned in, but as I had recently moved the tuner and not connected the FM antenna all I could hear was crackling. So I turned the volume up. And then someone coughed!!! This was really funny 'cos I had tuned in in the middle of 4' 33" and my antenna was perfectly OK.

For those who don't know, this piece has not a single note. It is complete silence for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. The first cough in the audience led to a little laughter followed by the entire audience in hysterics!

Inspired by this piece I have now composed a similar piece called 5' 45". If it catches on I shall follow it with my opus magnum 7' 12".

09 Jan 04 22:05| Send Comment

Let Us Entertain You

I've just returned from BBC television studios country house type place in Hertfordshire where Charlotte spent this weekend recording the Gospel Heaven docu-show. You might catch me at the actual performance boogying and throwing my arms up in the air too. The show goes out on BBC1 on Sunday 28 December at around 11:20. Do watch it 'cos Charlotte is one of the one's selected for special feature (see her at her Egyptian dancing class!). In this the programme selected 24 entrants to rehearse and produce a gospel performance in a weekend, directed by Daniel Thomas.

That's not all. Jason's band (now called Standing Still until they change it again!) is on at The Underworld, Camden on 3 January. For tickets email Jason before you try the box office as he has a few.

And of course, we're off to Karachi this week for my 'World Premiere'. My music programme is looking like this:

Elvis Show - with big '2001' entrance! (30 min)
Then A Big Band set - mostly Sinatra, like Robbie did at the Albert Hall (30 min)
Elvis Rock 'n' Roll for dancing (after dinner and speeches) (60 min)

07 Dec 03 00:01| Send Comment

My Karachi gig for The Rotary Club - Dec 13

Just heard from my host in Karachi that the show is now SOLD OUT (550 tickets). Dinner courtesy of Sheraton Hotel. They are looking for a pink Cadillac for me to arrive in! Robbie Williams, eat yer heart out!

I wonder if there'll be a massive crowd at the airport, so I shall keep the flight details (PK 788 arr. 11 Dec Karachi) very quiet. He he ...

27 Nov 03 14:50| Send Comment

Happy Thanksgiving

In 1620 The Pilgrims arrived in The Mayflower in a place they called Plymouth and struggled through the winter in the New World. This was a strange and inhospitable new place quite different from the England they originally came from. Only 50 survive the winter from the original 110. And who would come to their rescue, teach them how to plant their crops, fish and farm? A Native Indian from the Patuxet tribe called Squanto who (and here's the funny bit!) spoke fluent English!!! (He had learned it during his travels as a slave in England)

27 Nov 03 15:14| Send Comment

Los Angeles

Ok, ok. We've been away for sometime in LA hanging out with my old band mates Shorty & The Tall Boys and some friends who work in the movies. You don't get to have an Oscar Winner at your dinner party everyday, do you?! (Steve La Porte - Beetlejuice 1988 and he did Terminator 1 and 2) Thanks to everyone (that's some 30 of you individually who patiently listened to all 14 tracks!!!) for the feedback on my demo CD. Now back in London preparing for the show in Karachi on Dec 13,

27 Nov 03 12:07| Send Comment

David Beckham OBE

David Beckham is collecting his OBE from the Queen today. What? I would have thought that being as important as the England football captain the Palace would have had it delivered?

27 Nov 03 11:51| Send Comment

Fastest Woman In The World

In the late 80s (when greed was good) I had a brand new bright red Renault 21 Turbo. Very soon I was on the M20 motorway on a Sunday morning to see it will really do 142 mph - however, I chickened out at 135 mph because the world around us (this was a whole family experience and the kids were still kids) was rushing past us too fast!

Anyway, today I'm reminded of that episode because a woman in a 14 year old Austin Maestro has been caught by the speed cameras for (apparently) doing 480 mph!

01 Nov 03 12:17| Send Comment

Fastest Sex Change?

Very excited to hear this morning that Sir Paul McCartney and Heather have a new baby boy. By this afternoon he has turned into a baby girl called Beatrice. According to their spokesman they are both 'ecstatic' - what a time to take designer pills and is it ok to make such a public admission? It's no wonder their powers of observation was a little impaired! Let It Bea.

30 Oct 03 18:28| Send Comment

True Leadership

To be a credible leader you need to show a lifelong history of sexual indiscretions. Clinton, Jackson, Johnson, Major, Portillo, Ashdown, Thorpe, Profumo, Parkinson, Archer, Mellor, the Kennedys, they were made of the right stuff - testosterone. Even Edwina Curry had loads of it. Iain Duncan Smith stood no chance. Even if he invented some juicy scandal no one would have believed him. Furthermore, no bald person has ever become Prime Minister of Britain, although many have become bald after taking office.

29 Oct 03 19:12 | Send Comment

Gospel Idol

The BBC is making a documentary around a gospel choir they're specially putting together for a TV show at Christmas - and Charlotte heard today that she's selected to be on that. So switch on your TV and watch this space for the exact date of screening. (It will be shown on BBC1 28 Dec about 11:20am)

28 Oct 03 23:12 | Send Comment

The CIA

Ex-President Clinton is quoted as saying that he knew of PM Tony Blair's irregular heartbeat 'for some time'. Tony Blair himself, his doctors and No 10 didn't know about it until last week. That should quell any doubts about the CIA's effectiveness in intelligence gathering?

27 Oct 03 12:58 | Send Comment

Go For It Ran!

Sir Ranulph Fiennes 59 is running seven marathons in seven days to raise money for The British Heart Foundation, starting in Chile. If you remember he had life-saving heart surgery in June. He's crazy but he's an amazing guy. I made a small contribution to his book The Sett in 1994 which reached No 4 on the bestseller list - see my name in the credits! Coincidentally his partner in this is Dr Mike Stroud, my contemporary at University. Ran and Mike attempted the first unsupported walk across the Antarctic in the early 90s but alas had to be rescued. They both wrote separate books about it. Mind Over Matter and Shadows On The Wasteland: Crossing The Antarctic With Ranulph Fiennes.

Ran sets a great example to us all. Please give generously. Click here for donations and news The British Heart Foundation.

27 Oct 03 12:41 | Send Comment

More Cardinals

I read recently that the Pope has asked his Cardinals to pray for him. A few days later it was reported that he is appointing more Cardinals. Makes sense.

26 Oct 03 10:14 | Send Comment

The World's Oldest Man

The world's oldest man died aged 122 today. Funny, I remember reading about it about a month ago. Come to think of it this seems to happen every few months. This guy must be really tired of it by now.

21 Oct 03 22:49 | Send Comment

Alison Moyet

I was surprised to find little reference searching on Google - so I quickly bought what I thought was www.alisonmoyet.com for a laugh. And (you'll like this!) what an idiot I am. I'll say that again ... idiot! The reason the domain was still availabale is because I spelled it wrong! But the funny thing is there is some stuff on the Net for 'Alison Moyer'. I once searched for Virgin Altantic (that's spelt wrong) and got loads of references.

So now I have www.alisonmoyer.com which I think I shall turn into a spoof like Ramjam Presley - Alison Moyer the drag act?

Now listen to my That Ole Devil Called Love .

19 Oct 03 20.00 | Send Comment

Memphis Inn

Thanks to all those who came to my birthday bash at the Memphis Inn last night, especially Joe, Martina, Richard and Veronica for coming all that way. For those who couldn't hang around for my celeb spot here is video of me (aka Ramjam Presley) doing his stuff! Click here for video (14Mb). Don't confuse me with the guy in the jumpsuit - that's the owner of the place!

12 Oct 03 18.:40 | Send Comment

LA November

A quick reminder to anyone we know in the LA area that Charlotte and I will be there for the weekend of 8-9 November and beyond. So who wants to party?

07 Oct 03 23.:55 | Send Comment

The Power Of Belief

I was at a Toastmasters evening today. Full marks to Gary who spoke about how you can do anything if only you really believe you can. He is a big guy, about 6' 6". Because of his size people had been telling him he should play rugby, so he called his local club .. which turned out to be the Wasps - a first division team if you didn't know. Well, he didn't know that so he went along to a trial and got into the 4th team. He then worked his way up to the first team! The point of the story is, he only had the courage to call them because he thought it was only a local club, so he didn't fear it. We don't try most things because our system is already programmed to believe that we will fail.

07 Oct 03 23.:55 | Send Comment

All 4 One

We're rehearsing this show for next April. The plot is a fusion of The Three Musketeers and The Man With The Iron Mask. This is one massively challenging one. The harmonies are excellent and unusual and some of the time signatures are as bizarre as 7/4 and 5/4. More info about the show here www.All4OneTheMusical.com.

02 Oct 03 23::59 | Send Comment

Erith

I live nearer Bexleyheath in South East London, but my postal town is Erith which I never regarded as salubrious. Anyway I came across this site on the Net - it makes Erith look like a really trendy place to live. All about Erith click here.

02 Oct 03 23::59 | Send Comment

I Have Never Been Groped By Arnie

Now is the time for all those millions of people who have not been groped by Arnold Schwarzenegger to speak up. The people who have been groped by Arnie are sooooooo few compared with those that haven't. So what's the fuss?

02 Oct 03 18::59 | Send Comment

Angels

Something made me write this today. Hope it inspires.

“Angels speak to you all the time. They bring messages from the Universe to you. These messages shape your path. Most people do not hear the angels so they do not get the messages. Angels are people you meet or come across in some way everyday. Often they do not know that they are carrying a message to you. It may be a spark a friend lights in you, a comment, a look, a touch, anything that lifts your spirits and propels you in a positive direction. Listen out for the angels in your life. They lead you to happiness.

And remember, you yourself must surely be an angel in the lives of people who meet you. Without you knowing it you may be carrying messages that will shape their lives. Be a good angel and share your thoughts and inspiration with those you meet.”

30 Sep 03 23::40 | Send Comment

Santana

Saw Carlos Santana today at Wembley Arena. The great thing, apart from his lovely guitar style, is you can chant along to most songs that go 'ek ek ek' or ' habadaba doo'. What a waste of seats 'cos not many people were seated throughout.

If anyone is interested I did a sneaky and got all of it on my Mini Disk recorder - including my 'ek ek ek' and 'habadaba doo'. Email me. Go here for Santana.

30 Sep 03 23::50 | Send Comment

Tomorrow's Robbery

My local grocery store was robbed at 5:45 AM on Thursday 4 Sep. The yellow Appeal For Witnesses notice put up by the Police says Friday 5 Sep (and still does!). Can you just see how this must have looked on the Thursday? It would have described a robbery yet to take place - any witness will need to turn up at 5:45 AM the next day to observe?

30 Sep 03 23::50 | Send Comment

KU-Bar

You may remember Ku-Bar I mentioned some months ago - this is a gay bar in Charing Cross Road where I sang a song or two. Well guess what ... karaoke night's suspended until the licence application goes through 'cos the people across the road have complained - of the noise I hope, and not the lousy singing. Which is why I was a little puzzled when I felt something hard like a mic pushed against me (like my song was coming up next). Nooooooooo it wasn't a mic - it was just someone getting friendly!

16 Sep 03 23::58 | Send Comment

David Blaine

How will David Blaine go without sex for 44 days? Or do you think he'll do a quick little sneaky one when it gets dark? And how did he get so much time off work?

16 Sep 03 23::53 | Send Comment

Racing at Brands Hatch

If you'd like to race me in a racing car at Brands Hatch (or Silverstone, but Brands Hatch is close to where I live) email me. Go here for details. This is a birthday present from Charlotte which I have to use by the end of this year. Even if you don't want to drive but would enjoy a day out email me soon as I need to book a date. Vroom vroom ...

14 Sep 03 14::44 | Send Comment

Singing From The Same Hymn Sheet

My friend Oliver's mum is a pianist and accompanist. She was telling me about a time when she played the intro to a number and the tenor she was accompanying started to sing a different song. Neither changed the tune. That must have been bizarre - it can be the start of a new genre. Book Oliver Sheen jazz pianist and vocalist here. You might have heard him at The Ritz Mayfair, London.

14 Sep 03 13::40 | Send Comment

Liechtenstein

England played football with Liechtenstein a few days ago. If you never heard of that country it's a very very small one in Europe. The population is sooooo small one might wonder how they raise a team - football team required 11 players. For the match they had to borrow a ball from Belgium.

11 Sep 03 13::40 | Send Comment

Going into the Ladies

Maybe I was a little distracted I inadvertently walked into the ladies toilet at Bluewater Shopping Centre. I might have looked as if I was coming in to busk, as I was carrying a guitar at the time! If you know Bluewater you'll know that these are very large rooms. My first reaction was why are these guys all in drag? My next thought was ... shall I pretend to be a cross-dressing girly. My next thought said 'run like hell' which i did!

10 Sep 03 15::35 | Send Comment

Mystic

I was at Goodge Street underground station platform a young Indian gentleman stopped and asked me which train goes to Euston. Having grabbed my attention he told me he's a mystic (he had a business card to prove it) and offered me a reading. As a free demo he told me that my eyes told him that something good has happened in my life and some exciting things are still to come. Alas I was in a hurry so couldn't stop to find out. But I was thinking afterwards - if he's a mystic how come he didn't know how to get to Euston? It's 2 stops away on the underground as one can see from the big route map on the wall!

10 Sep 03 00::10 | Send Comment

Internet Song Sharing

The RIA is suing some 250 people for sharing songs on the internet for copyright violation. Soon they'll be after you for lending your CDs to your friends. And what about lending books? Where do you draw the line? I suppose it is ok if you go round to your friends house and listen to his/her CDs or read books. Or maybe not. Perhaps if he/she reads it to you? Hmmm ... still a bit dodgy.

The source of the problem is 'recording' in the first place, isn't it? They never had this problem in the middle ages. The only answer is for Madonna to come round to your house and sing for you, and you pay her direct. Invite your friends and she'll give you a volume discount.

09 Sep 03 10::10 | Send Comment

Early Birthday

I had a (belated) e-card birthday greeting today! Actually she thought she was late but in fact it was a month early! Here's the reply I sent.

"Hey Rajini, It was very nice of you to have thought of me even though a day later than you might have wanted to. The card said, 'sorry I missed it'. Sorry I missed it too. It seems to have passed without celebration. And I had no cards or greetings from anyone, not even my children. Sad.

Anyway, the GOOD NEWS is that I am having another one next month on the 13th, like last year - BTW the best birthday I've ever had, thanks to your hospitality in San Francisco. I thought it would be best to keep to the same date and same month every year so as not to confuse everybody.

Thanks again. Hope you're well.

Hiran "

08 Sep 03 20::17 | Send Comment

Nigerian Marriage Proposal!

By now most of you would have at some time had a Nigerian funds transfer scam email. I've had hundreds. Most follow the same pattern, just the name varies from Mbeke to Ngobola.

The one I had today is a little different. It's from Maryam Abacha, the widow of the late General Sani Abacha, and it goes ... "I am seriously considering to re-marry if you desire as soon as this fund get into your account so that I can start all over again with you if you wish ..." For 30% of $42.5 million, who can resist?

08 Sep 03 20::10 | Send Comment

De Silva without De Silva

Jason's band 'De Silva' has a charity gig tonight Saturday. This afternoon he arrived at rehearsals and collapsed at the doorstep and had to be rushed to hospital. He's fine, but his band will do the gig without a drummer!

Thanks to quick-thinking Glen (bass) and Rob (guitar) and friend Sam. And Laura. Appreciate all your help.

09 Sep 03 19::10 | Send Comment

Music Shops

I often look around the music shops in Denmark Street. You get loads of new ideas on how to spend your money as well as creative ones, The thing that puts me off however is the attitude of some of the staff (not all). For example, I often find myself drawn to a Paul Reed Smith guitar costing £2,500 - the staff (who normally have to deal with musos who are flat broke) look at you as if to say 'don't even think about it, you can't afford it'. I always find myself fighting with a massive urge to purchase two of them just to see the look on the git's face! Haven't so far though ...

Anyway, the best shopping experience in a music shop is in the Bluewater Shopping Centre, Make-Music. The shop is laid out beautifully and the staff are very knowledgeable and great musicians themselves. There's a huge variety of instruments and everything is spotlessly clean, unlike Denmark Street. I often find myself while trying out a guitar jamming with the staff demonstrating a piano or a drum kit on a Saturday afternoon, eg. today. I love these impromptu public concerts! (See my Abbey Road 2001 gig). So now I have a new Yamaha guitar that has a passing cosmetic resemblance to the aforementioned PRS.

30 Aug 03 18::10 | Send Comment

Bollywood!

Today I was dragged into Danceworks in London for a Bollywood dancing class. Oh man! This is something I have never done before. Enjoyed every minute of it. At first it looked like I would be the only guy amongst 10 girls until the very muscular Andreas joined us. Obviously (!) we stopped for a curry afterwards. Charlotte is going in for belly dancing classes at Pineapple next week. Watch out!

If you get the chance, go see Bombay Dreams. That will get you inspired.

28 Aug 03 23::59 | Send Comment

Mars - Close Encounters

Looking out from my back garden the whole of the South Eastern sky is covered in haze and lit up by city lights ... and Mars is big and bright all on its own. Apparently, that;s where I come from - so says Charlotte's book Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus.

When I was a kid and crazy about astronomy I just couldn't wait to see Halley's Comet due in 1985. When 1985 came I was soooo busy with work I never got to see it. Sad, huh?

27 Aug 03 23::00 | Send Comment

Replying to Emails

So how do you reply to an email?

About five years ago I sent an email to my childhood sweetheart (yes, I had one) wishing her a happy birthday. I heard nothing for a few days and then had a long letter snail-mail (she lives in the US) thanking me for the lovely thought but started with 'you didn't give me your email address so I'm writing this letter to you'!

What's this got to do with right now? I'm at a loose-end as Charlotte is away until Thursday and unless I eat out I shall starve to death. Phoning around, my friend above (and I know you're reading this!) was the only person free for dinner tonight, but she's in Pennsylvania. Is the whole world on vacation?

17 Aug 03 23::00 | Send Comment

Sandwich at Stansted

I was at Stansted Airport this morning. Grabbing a sandwich and coffee at 5am I met this most interesting character (Spanish?) serving at the Costa bar. Looking very tired - they must work 48 hours shifts 'cos waiting in line to be served I knew this would be fun. I asked for a poached salmon and prawn sandwich and a cappuccino. So he punches the touch sensitive cash register and says ... 'that's £17.50'! ... Stunned expressions all round ... er no, £2.50 (sigh of relief right down the line). His quick reaction when taking the order was 'take away'? (BTW in the US you say 'to go') at which I told him 'no, I'd like to eat it at this airport' much to the amusement of the people around. So he gives me the sandwich and gets ready to serve the next customer. 'What about the cappucino'? And guess what his quick reaction was? .... Yup, you got it ... 'take away'?!! I couldn't resist (and by this time the whole place was rolling about laughing) 'I'd like to have the coffee at this airport too'!!! Luckily he also saw the funny side.

It gets better. It's now his break time. He comes and sits immediately in front of me and starts a conversation. 'Where are you from' he asks me (not a polite question one asks in Britain) and I burst out laughing, instead of replying. So he goes India? .... Pakistan? .... Turkey? ... Within minutes he had rattled off countries I hadn't even heard of - even China (you get a great education in Geography working at airports). This went on until his break was over and he went back to serving customers. Oh boy! Sure kept me laughing all day!

16 Aug 03 10:250 | Send Comment

The Constipated Bee Gees

Oliver Sheen was round our house today. See this video of us doing Bee Gees. It's funny.

Too Much Heaven
Staying Alive - check tomorrow

11 Aug 03 23::41 | Send Comment

Bank Notes

A recent opinion poll says we want David Beckham on our bank notes. An why not? We already have John McEnroe on our £10 note, don't we?

Take an old (not the new) £10 note and fold Darwin over Her Majesty and see for yourself.

31 Jul 03 11::41 | Send Comment

Divorce by SMS

The Islamic courts in Malaysia has ruled that it is permissible for Muslim men to divorce their wives by SMS (text message) from their mobile phones. As I recall you have to say the prescribed words three times.

My question is, do they have to send three SMS messages or can they put all three in one message? It would be cheaper that way!

30 Jul 03 13::24 | Send Comment

Missing Musical Nights 2003

I'm not sure if I'm just missing the show or some of the people I had soooo much fun with. You know who you are!

www.mn03.radiohiran.net see Guestbook.

By the way, an anagram of 'Laura Campbell in Musical Nights' is A-cup lesbians thrill glum maniac.Was there a glum maniac?!

29 Jul 03 20::20 | Send Comment

How To Find Saddam

I repeat some advice I gave to the coalition forces three months ago.

I wrote:
Just like Elvis sightings I expect the Saddam spotting pastime will go on for decades. For the coalition forces looking for him right now it's not an easy task - which is the real Saddam? Was there ever a real Saddam? To this end I have an idea, thanks to James Bond, my role model. You may remember in Diamonds Are Forever, on finally cornering Blofeld our hero is confronted with, not one but, two Blofelds stroking a cat. So which one to shoot? Bond brilliantly solves the problem by kicking the cat - the cat betrays the real Blofeld by immediately jumping on his lap. So my advice to the coalition is find Saddam's cat and then kick it. This won't be the first time a powerful man has been brought down by pussy.

09 Apr 03 16::46 | Send Comment

Bob Hope

BoB Hope was born close to where I live in SE London and left England at the age of 4. He was one of my film idols as a kid in Ceylon. He sure made me laugh, along with Norman Wisdom I actually met (see earlier story).

The Bob Hope Theatre is a favourite venue in my area, run by Jim Shepherd who also produced Musical Nights.

'Thanks For The Memories' Bob.

28 July 03 15:38 | Send Comment

Musical Nights 2003 Memorabilia

Go here for everything I have from the show backstage www.mn03.radiohiran.net. Photos, audio of the entire show, video clips, guestbook for cast and friends.

Nice to see Wendy and some of the cast at Ann's party on Saturday. It was fun doing an unscheduled Sun Has Got His Hat On in the pub!

28 July 03 10:38 | Send Comment

Get Andrea Britton's new single - out now!

When Andrea missed a rehearsal for Musical Nights her sister Stephanie said 'oh, she's in Paris this weekend'. I had no idea that last year she was there performing to 36,000 people supporting Kylie's European Tour! She is 5' 11" and it is probably true to say that Kylie looks up to her! Her single "Am I On Your Mind" is a big dance/trance hit (Oxygen featuring Andrea Britton) - there's a great live acoustic version you can hear on her website. Andrea is currently working on the title song to the film "Fakers".

Her new single with the Space Brothers is out now www.andreabritton.com

It was great working with you AB.

25 July 03 14:33 | Send Comment

Break A Leg

I never knew the origin of that expression Break A Leg - until yesterday. Calvin explained.

In Shakespearian times the curtain was hand cranked by a handle that looked like a leg. Probably even called a leg. Break-a-leg means ... have many many curtain calls so that the handle breaks!

I didn't think we'd be ready for the preview night yesterday - but WOW! Thanks to the technical people and the whole of the rest of the cast and crew this is some fantastic show. And the Army with their cannons and fireworks to go with the 1812 Overture finale. I never can tell whether it's a standing ovation or the audience getting up to go home!

Can't wait to get back on stage tonight at 8pm with Christiane, Liz, Derek, Stephanie, Andrea, the bunch from EOS, Les, Cecil, Erica, Emma Castle, Amanda, Barbara, the girl with the cheeky grin whose name I don't know yet, Calvin who wears Calvin Kline briefs, Ian, Susie and Jenny, Anne, Mary, Mike and his wife (the tart I go off with in New York). Mark who does Phantom, Chikezie Akwarandu the African tenor in full African garb who does the best Nessun Dorma I have ever heard and loads of others. We arrive in the middle of the stage on two London buses!!! Plus the dancers and choir make up some 500 hundred of us. Jenine and Mopsy, it was great to see you in the seats last night. Thanks Chris in wardrobe and her colleagues. Andy, I hope we sound great, and Wendy ... what can I say?! Jim and John, it's no mean feat.

Get tickets here.

See my stuff from the 2001 show. Click here.

15 July 03 14:00 | Send Comment

Musical Nights 2003

Where else can you see more than a dozen West End musicals in one evening? musical scenes from Oliver!, Oklahoma, Phantom, Me And My Girl, Annie, Hello Dolly and more.

Finally after months of rehearsal tonight we have the PREVIEW of Musical Nights at the Woolwich Arsenal. A cast of hundreds, the Army band and some pretty loud bangs from the cannons and fireworks as I wrote some months ago - Charlotte is in the relative calm of the choir. You'll see me prancing about with gorgeous ladies and belting out loads of songs. Get tickets here.

See my stuff from the 2001 show. Click here.

14 July 03 10:43 | Send Comment

$25 million Reward for Sodom Hussein

The US are offering a $25 million reward for the capture of Saddam Hussein. Big deal. I get offers of this size every day from the Nigerians.

4 July 03 20:51 | Send Comment

Nipples At Dawn

I was watching Jelena Dokic playing at Wimbledon on TV and couldn't help noticing her .. er, nipples .. (as you do). I noticed that when her nipples were .. er, erect, her tennis was flowing beautifully and when they were not she was missing all her shots. I studied this further with other players in the ladies singles and came to the same conclusion. I am now thinking, could it be the same for the men? Though here I'm not thinking nipples.

The next big question is, does the tennis get better because of erect nipples or the other way around? In other words, can the ladies give themselves an advantage by stimulating their nipples? Do the rules allow this? Should it be confined to just the change overs? If it works for the men should it be allowed in full view of the Royal Box and the world's cameras? Should the players be allowed to do it themselves or should only the trainer be allowed to do it?

4 July 03 00:11 | Send Comment

Dell - Export Compliance

Just ordered a new PC for my office. The Dell online order form now says:

""Dell Computer Corporation is a US Corporation and is therefore subject to all US Export Laws and Regulations. In view of this, please answer the following 4 questions for US export compliance purposes."

And Question 4 is:

* Q4. Will the product(s) be used in connection with weapons of mass destruction, i.e. nuclear applications, missile technology, or chemical or biological weapons purposes?

This is totally 100% TRUE!

If you are George Bush - Click Here

3 July 03 11:30 | Send Comment

More Stories - Archive

Copyright 2002 - 2003 Hiran de Silva Thenabadu.

If You Are New Here!

This is where I write about all the crazy things that happen around me every day, like shows, wars and funny things I see people do. The stories are topical - so they were funny at the time (that's my excuse! see the date). You'll also find here links to other things I do.

Currently I am

Relaunching AskHiran and writing about the work I have been doing recently.
www.AskHiran.com

What Hiran Does

Hiran is a Consultant in Management & Technology. He solves business and management problems with clever use of technology and the collective talents of his clients' own management and staff.

'This page is for links to all the other stuff Hiran does'

Upcoming Events

Probably doing Pirates Of Penzanze for November 2005.

In Stockholm for my sister-in-law Kirstin's 50th birthday. April 2005.

My vocal harmony quartet Six In The City is on hold until I get less busy.

Events just gone

November 2004
Anything Goes at the Bob Hope Theatre, Eltham, London. Box Office: 020 8858 9803.

April 2004
All4One - A new musical by Kevin Heuston and John Trent Wallace. With the Erith Operatic Society. Rehearsals start Sep 2003.

13 December 2003
Elvis in Karachi: One-Man Show and Charity Dinner for The Rotary Club of Pakistan. I'll be doing Elvis and a cracking 60s programme to some 800 guests!

09 November 2003
Rohan's daughter Shehara gets married to Ed in LA. We'll be in town for a long weekend. Email me.

16 - 19 July 2003
Musical Nights 2003 Extravaganza with hundreds of cast, Royal Artillery, cannons and fireworks. Woolwich Arsenal. Click link for photos/audio/video from the show.

28 April 2003 +
The Mikado - The Playhouse. Erith . With Erith Operatic Society.

15 April 2003
Charity Concert. Melkonian Foundation at the Royal Festival Hall.

01 March 2003
Royal College Dinner Dance 2003. Churchill Inter-Continental.

17 December 2002 +
On Holiday in Sri Lanka

Projects

Ramjam Presley CD and DVD
George Harrison Tribute Event CD

Background

The long and winding road.

Made With

How this virks

Road Map to Hiran
You are
Macromedia MX student
MS Excel poweruser and Knowledge Worker
SQL 2000 developer
Professional Partner
Client
Management Trainee
CEO of future client
Music lover
New friend
Old friend

Sites

RadioHiran.net
The Original UltraDev Cookbook
AskHiran.com
HiranDeSilva.com
RamjamPresley.com
Thenabadu.com

Related Sites

Charlotte.deSilva.com

More Blogs

Jeff Bridges - actor
Sir Ian McKellen - actor
Mary Anne Mohanraj - blogger
Dan Bricklin - VisiCalc
Mitch Kapor - Lotus 123

Inspiration

Sir Ranulph Fiennes OBE - adventurer
Bjorn Borg - tennis
Joe Melkonian - charity
Sir Ralph Halpern - friend
Richard Desmond - ex-boss
Sunil Wijesinghe - friend
Anthony Robbins - motivation
Penthouse ! - ex-employer

Sri Lanka / Ceylon

David Wilkie MBE - Olympic gold medalist
Beverley Craven - singer/songwriter
PF Hadow - Wimbledon Gentlemen's Singles Champion 1878
Sir Arthur C Clarke - visionary
Matthew Kelly - broadcaster
Duran Duran - pop group
Owen Sela - author
Michael Ondaatje - Booker Prize
Romesh Gunesekera - author
Dr Emile Savundra - swindler
Clive Inman - cricketer
Norman Tanner - surgeon
Andrew Carnegie - billionaire
Lulu - popstar
Dr Dilip Abayasekara - public speaker
Don Lourenço de Almeida - navigator
Rohan De Saram - cellist
Nedra Hainey - Hollywood makeup artist
Allan Goodchild - Hollywood movies
Nihal Perera - airline pilot
Lakshman Watawala - technology
Joan Elan - Hollywood Actress
Shyama Perera - Journalist, broadcaster

Cool Media

Links to Bill Wysaske's site
Michael Buble with the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra

That's All
The Way You Look Tonight

And
Bossa Nova Ova (feat. Norah Jones on piano)
Georgia On My Mind (vocal Steve Tyrell)
Softly As I Leave You - Michael Buble